Put down the baggage.

You are stuck. You are wrapped up in all the trauma and pain of infertility, and you don’t know how to get out. You put every ounce of mental time and energy that you can into conceiving a baby. If you could just get pregnant you would be normal again. You just want to put it all behind you once and for all.  You want to feel normal again.

You are taking vitamins, visiting doctors, and spending uncountable hours on Dr. Google trying to figure it all out. If you could be granted one wish, it would be for someone to have the right answers for you. You don’t want to be treated like just another woman with a hormone imbalance. Your heart and mind are in terrible pain, but no one seems to really get it. You feel isolated and alone, and to top it all off (as if you really need anything else), you can actually hear your biological clock ticking. You really can, that tick, tick, tick. Every month, every year, you feel that your sanity and your heart is getting further and further from you.

Wow, that is a lot of emotion, no wonder we feel a bit crazy. I have bad news and good news. Actually, they are the same, I have news. The problem is not infertility, and the answers are not out there. Don’t click away, just hang with me for a minute and let me explain. It starts with infertility but goes much deeper than that. We get so hung up viewing the entire problem as “infertility” that we don’t step back and treat some major problems. Grab a pencil and paper and try this, make a list of all of your complaints and pains and frustrations. What is on your list? Do you have a list of one item “I can’t get pregnant”? I doubt it. If you are being honest you are going to have some really painful and tender things on that paper. I feel broken. I am depressed all the time. I feel empty. My heart is broken and I can’t imagine anything but a baby being able to heal that. I hate my body. I hate my period. I feel misunderstood by my spouse. Sex is not about bonding and intimacy anymore. I feel stuck in obsessive behaviors. I feel bad for wanting a baby as badly as I do. I don’t like to go out anymore, I just see pregnant women and babies, and it hurts. I have lost any passion for my dreams in life. I don’t recognize the person in the mirror anymore.

Ladies, these things are not all going to go away if you keep a pregnancy. These are real emotional issues that need to be faced. These are your inner demons, your skeletons in the closet, your fire breathing dragons. If you have a baby before you deal with these issues, you become a new mommy that is trying to figure out everything about motherhood and has issues that make motherhood a whole lot harder.  Holding a baby will be a lot easier if you put down all the baggage first.

Let’s have some good news here. The good news is that you can heal your heart BEFORE you get pregnant. You can heal your relationships (that is with your spouse and others that you have distanced yourself from), you can rekindle passion and dreams in your life WITHOUT giving up on your dreams for a baby. In fact, doing all of these things will bring you CLOSER to your baby. So where do you start? Stay tuned as I walk you through the basic steps you need to take to get you solidly on your path to healing. 

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